Cartoon Network Shocker: It Still Airs Looney Tunes
A six-month investigation conducted by Toon Zone staffers has uncovered shocking evidence that Cartoon Network still carries Looney Tunes on its schedule.
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Anime Fan Still Doesn't Get Big O Season Finale
Nik Ronis admits that he is still perplexed about what was going on in season two of Big O.
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Organization of Concerned Parents Denounces Concerned Parent Organizations
Concerned that organizations of concerned parents are giving concerned parent organizations such as hers a bad image, the president of the Organization of Concerned Parents (OCP) said her group would organize a new pressure group to combat out-of-control pressure groups.
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New Study: Batman Really Does Turn Readers Gay
Researchers at Johns Hopkins University say their new study shows that exposure to the "silver age" Batman and Robin comic books really can turn readers gay.
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Zombie Chuck Jones Returns from the Grave
Warner Bros. Animation has resurrected the late Chuck Jones, who directed some of the studio's greatest cartoon shorts, and commissioned a new animated series from him that will feature undead versions of its stable of Looney Tunes characters.
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Adult Swim to Replace Cards with Incomprehensible Yells
Citing budgetary constraints, Adult Swim will drop its trademark cards and replace them with high-decibel shrieks and incomprehensible yells. The noises to be used were surreptitiously recorded at a recent staff meeting during which Adult Swim employees were cruelly teased with ripe bananas dangled tantalizingly just out of reach.

Disney Treasures Delayed "Until the End of Time"
New volumes of "Disney Treasures" DVDs will be delayed until "at least three" signs of the apocalypse have appeared, Walt Disney Home Video announced today. No reason was given, but industry observers using high-powered binoculars reported seeing Disney CEO Michael Eisner high up in his office, tossing darts at a photograph of Roy Disney and laughing maniacally.

Hamtaro To Get Home Movies Soundtrack
In an attempt to cross-pollinate its Adult Swim and morning kiddie fare, Cartoon Network will recycle soundtracks of Home Movies by marrying them to reruns of Hamtaro. The first revamped episode will have the anime hamsters dropping money into a "f****** swear jar" every time they use inappropriate language or engage in acts so revoltingly cute that they cause viewers to utter profanities.