Toon Zone today named former New York Times editor Howell Rains to replace Maxie Zeus as editor of its news division.

"F. Scott Fiztgerald said there are no second acts in America," said Raines in a prepared statement upon assuming control of Toon Zone News. "What a maroon. I want to thank Brian Cruz for giving me a chance to prove that there's life in this ol' dawg yet.

"Under my august and brilliant leadership, Toon Zone News will soon put that little [expletive deleted] Sulzberger and his pennyante broadsheet out of business."

Raines resigned from the Times last year after it was disclosed that the paper had published fabricated articles.

Raines indicated that matters would be quite different at Toon Zone, where accuracy would be paramount. "I will stake my entire reputation on the strict veracity of everything that we publish."

He also praised the Toon Zone news team for its ability to uncover and report amazing stories. "Just look at this kick-ass edition our boys brought in today," he said. "I bet no one else in the business got this great stuff."