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Serving the Toon Community since August of 1998
Those Network Weasels
Zombie Chuck Jones Returns from the Grave

Warner Bros. Animation has resurrected the late Chuck Jones, who directed some of the studio's greatest cartoon shorts, and commissioned a new animated series from him that will feature undead versions of its stable of Looney Tunes characters, the studio said today.

"The box office performance of Looney Tunes: Back in Action convinced us that the old characters really are dead," says Warner Animation's Sander Schwartz. "It was a natural product extension to relaunch the stable as cartoon corpses and to turn the franchise back over to their late creator."

Zombie Looney Tunes will be paired with Baby Looney Tunes on the Cartoon Network schedule and will be the object of a massive merchandising campaign. The series will feature a Bugs Bunny who has been flayed and dressed for a hasenpfeffer dish; a country-fried Foghorn Leghorn; and the disembodied bill of Daffy Duck, floating in mid-air.

Jones, who was reanimated in a voodoo ceremony held at the grounds once occupied by fabled Termite Terrace, expressed satisfaction with the new arrangement, complaining only that Warner executives were lacking in "juicy brains."

X-Babies Headed to Fall Lineup

Marvel Animation Studios is negotiating with Kids WB to pick up its newest cartoon version of its X-Men franchise, Toon Zone has learned.

X-Babies will feature the uncanny mutants when they were still in diapers and were overseen by "Nanna" Xavier, who will be shown only from the waist down. The series will have a heartwarming tone and impart valuable lessons. Featured stories will have Baby Storm making a rainy day sunny so the kids can have a picnic, and Wolverine learning why he must sheath his adamantium claws before playing with his pet bunny.

Timm Changes JLU Lineup "Just to Annoy Fans"

The core lineup of the Justice League will be radically reconfigured when the series relaunches later this year as Justice League Unlimited, Toon Zone has learned. Out will be Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and Green Lantern; in will be Ma Hunkle, Apache Chief, Inch High Private Eye and Beppo the Super Monkey. In addition, Flash will be redesigned as a lesbian West Indies woman with a thyroid condition.

Producer Bruce Timm says that the changes are a response to internet criticisms. "Whine, whine, whine. That's all you punks do. I'm sick of it. Were you upset before? I'll give you [expletive deleted] something to bitch about!"

Guest stars and featured villains for the new season will include Scrappy Doo; SpongeBob SquarePants's Merman and Barnacle Boy; Dr. and Mrs. Joseph Frankelbaum of West Palm Beach, Florida; and the ghost of President Chester Alan Arthur. The season premiere will have the revamped crew battling The Anti-Flash (a.k.a. "Matt Wilson"), who will attack the Justice League with vicious personal remarks.

Jackson, Timberlake to Bare All in New Toon Series

Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake will lend their voices and animated images to a new cartoon series for Spike TV, the network said today.

The pop stars will play superheroes fighting carnivorous aliens that disguise themselves as articles of clothing, leading to stories in which the heroes go around ripping the shirts and pants off "bodacious chicks" and "hot studmuffins."

The new series, whose title could not be pronounced clearly by Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone for all the drool in his mouth, will be executive produced by a growth removed from Stan Lee's colon.

Queer Eye Guys to Guest Star on Static Shock

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Fab Five will be the latest guests to appear on Static Shock, Toon Zone has learned.

In the upcoming episode, the five will visit Dakota to make over Robert Hawkins, Static's father. But a supervillain attack will force the visitors to reveal their secret identities as the latest incarnation of the "All-Style Squadron," a superhero team operating in secret since the days of World War II. The Squadron's history, they will explain, included encounters with Nazis, segregationists, Hillary Clinton, and alien invaders, all of whom were defeated with lifestyle makeovers.

In addition to their voices, the five also lent their fashion sense to the episode, designing the costumes for their animated counterparts after Carson Kressley complained that the green and yellow stripes on the original designs would make their butts look huge.

Kressley also revealed that the five have been asked to appear in Will and Grace: The Animated Series, which is coming to Bravo in 2005.

FoxBox Adds Read or Die To Meet Educational Requirements

FoxBox has picked up the domestic rights to Read or Die in order to meet FCC-mandated educational/informational requirements, the network says.

FoxBox executives admit they have not seen the series, but hope that the title alone will pass muster. "Compared to 'Reading Rainbow,' we believe it gets a pro-literacy message across quite forcefully."

To reinforce that message, the company is planning a cross-promotional campaign with the National Rifle Association to arm librarians with shotguns and hand grenades.

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